Social Media and the Real World

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Social media has become extremely important in the last years.  These websites make it much easier to stay connected to friends and family, and also provide news and entertainment.  Calls to family and friends have become comments and chats, and even invitations to real events are sent through Facebook.  I can’t comment much about Instagram or any other sites of this fashion, but Facebook in particular has become essential to business and advertising.

But, like almost everything in life, Facebook has a bad side.  Many people see the number of friends, likes, or shares as a symbol of popularity and status.  Photos of friends or celebrities on the internet can cause unfair comparisons or jealousy – “why isn’t my life like this?”  This principally affects those who already have a fragile self-esteem, by generating anxiety and depression.

If you find yourself being affected by social media, read the following tips:

Visit less pages: Social media is, in fact, addicting.  Control your use.  Anything that is important, like invitations, will be waiting for you there when you return.  Remember that Facebook (or any other social media platform you use) is only a small part of your life.

Stop with the comparisons: Comparing yourself to others in real life is already bad, but comparing yourself to others on social media is completely useless.  It can even start to seem like you’re the only one bad things happen to, but the truth is that a large majority of people only post the good side of their lives – there are few who tell of their daily struggles and their sadness.  You basically are seeing photos without any context.  You should not compare yourself to photos that are selected just to show off a perfect life.

You are most important:  Likes on Facebook aren’t going to bring happiness.  Happiness comes from within, and your quality of life depends on how you think of yourself, not how others think of you.  Invest your time in doing things that make you feel good, and don’t let a website control your life and mood.  You are much more than your internet profile.

To schedule a consultation:
psicologapaulamonteiro@gmail.com
(21) 99742-7750

Should I mention divorce?

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Unfortunately, divorce happens.  Even married couples who have bought a house together, have kids, share all of their business and possessions, and look perfectly happy, break up more often than you might think.  It’s sad, and the saddest of all is that in many of these situations, divorce could be avoided.

I do not want to make anybody announce the thought of divorce at the first moment it crosses their mind in a fight, as many do – because this is not a subject to be discussed with a hot head.  It’s a subject that should be discussed calmly.  Many people mention divorce in all the fights that they have with a partner, and like the story of ‘the boy who cried wolf’, the subject loses its gravity, and the ‘threat’ of divorce becomes a rehearsed speech without any real value.

However, during consultations, I see many patients who, by the time they come to therapy, the damage has already been done, and it’s already too late for any hope of repairing the relationship.  Lack of appropriate communication is a serious problem in a large percentage of relationships.  Communicating about considering divorce before giving the “final warning” is essential.  Here are some reasons:

-It is important to communicate with your husband/wife about important concerns you might have about the relationship.  Your partner has the right to know your thoughts and desires, and to have a chance to think on the situation.  A final decision on divorce does not appear from nothing, and until the moment in which it is announced the idea could have passed through the head of one partner thousands of times, while the other doesn’t suspect anything.  It’s unfair to attack them with a final blow without them having any idea what’s happening.

-When you or your partner is communicating about the seriousness of the situation, he is much more likely, and more motivated to change, and can demonstrate how he plans to do something (or not) to salvage the relationship.

-Having a conversation about divorce with your partner not only will it make them think about it, but it will also help you think more clearly about the subject.

If you can’t express yourself easily in a relationship when it comes to divorce, marriage counseling is a good place to converse with each other, with the help of a therapist.  Don’t leave therapy for the last minute, when the divorce is already final.

To schedule a consultation:
psicologapaulamonteiro@gmail.com
(21) 99742-7750